I’m dreadfully keen to grow old disgracefully.
To not give a damn what anyone else might think.
I’ve been stifled and repressed for far too long.
I want to set the world alight while I’m still in the pink.

I hope to go to my grave with no regrets in the world.
I want people to say he did all that he desired.
He set his stall out, got his priorities right,
And achieved his aims, once he was retired.

I won’t conform to traditional expectations of aging.
I’ll be pushing the envelope and stepping out of line.
I’ll be trying new things and pursuing new passions.
I might, for instance, walk the entire UK coastline.

I’ll be buying a motorbike and a Hell’s Angel jacket.
You’ll hear me singing Rolling Stones’ songs in public.
You’ll see me on a ‘Freedom of Speech’ protest march.
I’ll be the one wearing a T-shirt that says ‘Up the Republic.’

I want to drink red wine directly from a bottle.
You can listen to me screaming as I do a bungee jump,
Followed closely by a sky dive and some wing-walking.
I might even try and throw an egg at Donald Trump.

I aim to skinny dip in the sea and learn to spit.
I fancy breaking rules and I may even wear a thong.
I’ll bellow at noisy people in the cinema to shut up.
I’ll be the one whistling loudly during Evensong.

I’m desperate to do some graffiti art like Banksy.
I want to fall fast asleep while watching a play.
I intend to perform a somersault on a trampoline.
I’ll be taking a rich woman out and asking her to pay.

I’ll build sandcastles at the beach if I want to.
I’ll colour my hair red and grow it to my waist.
I fancy betting a grand to win at a horse race.
I’ll email my MP and tell her bluntly she’s a disgrace.

I am really tempted to attend an Everton home game,
And climb out over the wall in tears at half time.
I’d love to become a member of a boy band.
I’d like to recite Tyson Fury a nursery rhyme.

There are many more things on my bucket list.
Many of them I’ve never had the courage to do.
I’m keen for the Prime Minister to see me on my death bed.
So I could look him squarely in the eye and say ‘screw you’.