Lining up in the departure lounge,
I was delighted I wasn’t late.
I could see the plane on the tarmac.
I was not to know that I would become irate.

Liverpool John Lennon to Knock in Ireland.
Ryanair is the carrier; cheap but not the best.
I had to board at the rear of the plane.
But I was welcomed like a valued guest.

Good day ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.
This is your captain speaking, Roger Smith-Wren.
I’m delighted you’re on board with us today.
We won’t be a few minutes now, maybe ten.

Well welcome on board our flight today
We’ve good news from the weather station
Nothing at all to disturb our journey
To ‘erm, to ‘erm, to ‘erm….. our destination.

It was clear to every one of the passengers,
As we stared at each other in fear,
He had no idea at all where we were going.
And he was the man to steer.

Our troubles were compounded,
When a little later during the flight,
Roger the pilot walked through the cabin,
And passengers began to turn white.

He sat at a window next to a stewardess.
She was pointing out landmarks to him.
This confirmed his geography was alarming,
And things were looking grim.

He smiled as he strode back to the cockpit.
The stewardess had put him right.
And with our grateful thanks to her,
We made it to Knock that night.

Roger had the last word of course.
He was in charge of the microphone.
Thank you for flying to Knock with us, he said
I’m just glad I wasn’t alone.