My dog chases the postman.
That’s why I never get a letter.
If the postman were a woman,
My dog might treat her better.

I never get my milk delivered.
Sparrows steal all the cream,
If bottled milk had screw tops,
Sparrows would surely scream.

I never get a morning paper.
I get the news from my radio.
If my radio were to break,
It would be a bit of a blow.

I never get a take-a-way.
I much prefer home cooking.
Preferably in a restaurant,
If you can make a booking.

I never go on long walks.
Whatever the season.
I’d maybe walk to a pub.
That’s a worthy reason.