Elasticated trousers are a Godsend to me.
No more undoing my belt when I’ve had my tea.
Why didn’t I know about these when I was 33,
I could have been growing a sausage tree.

In elasticated trousers I can safely squat,
Not a care in the world about my big fat pot.
Exercise vigorously like running on the spot,
And have a chippy tea and not a mug shot.

For a night on the town, I must be well dressed.
Elasticated dress trousers! I’m very impressed.
No longer do I need to feel firmly compressed.
Sadly, still a spare tyre when I get undressed.