Please move along the aisle,
And quickly take your seats.
There’s a chance we’ll take off early,
But not if you dawdle, you deadbeats.

Please find a space for your cabin bag,
Even if it’s further down the plane.
If you need any help lifting it up,
Don’t bother asking me I’ve got a strain.

Please watch the demonstration by the cabin crew.
If need be a mask will fall from upon high.
Do not inflate your life vest inside the cabin.
If you do, you can kiss your ass goodbye.

Please stay seated with your seatbelt fastened.
No using the toilet until the seatbelt sign is off.
We’ll be passing through the cabin with our trolly soon.
To give you plenty of time to thrust your noses in the trough.

The captain has turned on the seatbelt sign.
We are heading toward rough weather.
There’s not much we can do to help now.
But I suppose you could all scream together.

The cabin crew are preparing for landing.
We are going to dim the lights soon.
Please stow your seat tables away.
You too, you flippin’ buffoon.

Thank you for flying with us today.
Safe onward journeys to you all.
Except for that man who was very rude to me.
You’ll never fly with us again, you greaseball.