Our noses collided at our first attempt.
Aiming for her lips I completely missed.
Should I have gone left rather than right?
Our spectacles chinked as we kissed.

Eyes open or eyes closed I thought.
What should I do with my hands?
Stroke her hair or touch her cheek?
If I’m wrong, I hope she understands?

Now for the tricky bit – tongue in or out?
What a decision, I’m a nervous wreck.
Maybe wait till we’ve kissed some more.
I’d better give tongues a rain check.

Two weeks in we’re snogging for England.
My kisses have improved no end.
Smooches are very intimate now.
I think I'm counted as a boyfriend.

I’ve started nibbling her earlobes.
It’s something that solicits a whimper.
Her eyes close, her nostrils flare,
And she calls me a little tinker.

But something’s amiss, I can tell.
She’s offering me a cheek to peck.
Is this the beginning of our demise?
Does she think I’m a roughneck?

We’re drifting apart day by day.
No more embraces on the couch.
We’re nearing the very end now.
I’ve become a bit of a grouch.

I kiss her goodbye one more time.
No tongues, no lobes, no touching lips.
I leave her waving forlornly at the door.
But on the way home I’ll get some chips.