You said I was handsome, I said you were pretty
To mark our first date, I've tried to be witty

You were just over seven stone when we met
Maybe you were eight when ringing wet

We went ten-pin bowling in New Brighton
You wore a miniskirt – a white-un’

You threw the ball down that long thin alley
The girl next to us was Long Tall Sally

You kindly let me win to stroke my male ego
No stroking my hand though as I had Impetigo

A pint of best bitter was my tipple
You got a cocktail – a slippery nipple

I took you home in my blue Mark 1 Cortina
Refusing to snog, you couldn’t have been meaner

Our next date you watched me play football
And embarrassed me with a high-pitched catcall

All that was more than forty years ago
I don’t regret a single minute though