God forbid I’d ever live in a New Town.
The grid design would really wear me down.
Milton Keynes I believe is twinned with purgatory.
I fear it would be rather like living in a dormitory.

No New Town living for me I’m afraid.
To regulatory living there’s no way I can be swayed.
Stevenage I’m told is twinned with the Netherworld.
Living there the toes on my feet would be fretfully curled.

New Town living would certainly set me on edge.
Between me and my neighbour not even a hedge.
Runcorn is twinned with Limbo I understand.
That bridge is a barrier to the promised land.

To live in a New Town I’d be a foolish soul.
I’d be living my life eternally in cruise control.
Skelmersdale, I hear is twinned with Dante’s Hell.
If I moved there, I’d have to bid my life farewell.

New Town living would be merely existence.
Some even have their own French Resistance.
It’s said Welwyn Garden City is twinned with the Moon.
On a tour bus you’ve seen the whole town by noon.

To live in a New Town would be extremely unwise.
With those who do live there I abundantly sympathise.
I believe Hemel Hempstead is twinned with Death Valley.
Row upon row - you struggle to find a blind alley.

Waking up in a New Town is like Groundhog Day.
Look through your curtains with a face of dismay.
Basildon itself is proudly twinned with the polar cap.
It’s the same everywhere you look – please take me away ASAP.

If you want to live in a New Town that’s fine by me.
It might have some positives, I would probably agree.
If cycle paths, roundabouts and concrete cows are your thing,
Then in a New Town, my friend, you can live like a King.