I was watching TV, and I turned to Channel Four,
Where I saw my girlfriend on Naked Attraction.
She was brazenly stood in the yellow pod.
I’m sure you could imagine my reaction.

She had her bits and pieces on display.
Two people were discussing her attributes.
She was really enjoying the attention.
And obviously didn’t give two hoots.

To my horror she was the girl selected.
No walk of shame for her from Naked Attraction.
As I watched her tattooed bottom disappear
I thought of a plan of action.

I would apply to go on the show myself.
In a pod of my own I would eagerly stand.
I was joined by five other guys and began to pose.
Me like a milk bottle, the others all well-tanned.

I showed my wares and answered questions.
I gave it my all to try to be selected.
The girl she liked my smile but that’s all.
And in the first round I was rejected.

The moral of this story is simple.
It’s nothing to do with the one you adore.
It’s not at all about seeking revenge,
But it’s all about not watching Channel Four.