If you’ve got no money here’s what to do.
Sell a kidney, sell your soul, or even sell your wife.
Take a kitchen knife to the piggy bank.
Take on a loan and pay it back for the rest of your life.

Hold-up a Post Office, or better still a bank.
Sit outside a shop with a paper cup in hand.
Tout various cleaning products door-to-door.
Sell the Big-Issue, perhaps become a deck-hand.

Deliver leaflets through people’s doors.
Become a boxer and take some hits.
Try emptying bins for a living.
If all else fails make a claim for benefits.