My wife can’t help herself in a pub quiz,
Watching University Challenge or Mastermind.
She’s got a case of Quiz Tourettes you see.
No amount of telling her will keep her confined.

‘It’s another name for the liver’ she shouts,
In swift response to a medical question.
What’s the common name for dyspepsia?
‘That’s easy’ she bellows, ‘it’s indigestion’.

She’s knowledgeable and excited,
And she’s very competitive to boot.
But when giving other team’s the answers,
Her team mates wish she was mute.

In the hope of keeping her constrained,
We get her to write down her answer.
What’s 23.5 degrees north of the equator?
While writing she announces, ‘Tropic of Cancer’.

Her knowledge is encyclopaedic.
She’s won many a quiz for our team.
We all love her to bits of course,
Even though she makes us scream.

She’s cottoned on and has become misleading.
She still shouts out answers for others to receive,
But these are no longer the correct ones.
They’re what she wants our opponents to believe.